I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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