I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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