i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
