if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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