You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
