Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
