yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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