remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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