So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Randomize
