well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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