If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
