is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
