I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
