After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
