i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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