i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
