they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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