Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
