I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
