He told me they were just razor bumps!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
