i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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