Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
