Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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