There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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