I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
