so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
