I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
