Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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