How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
