you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize