Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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