Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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