Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
