I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
