he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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