remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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