whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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