I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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