So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
