i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
