Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Randomize
