Porn is love you can see.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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