My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
