are you still at the devil's house?
We're facebook friends in real life
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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