apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
