shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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