Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
