i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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