man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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