Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
