It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize