why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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