Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
pray to the hookup gods
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
