did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
