My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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