dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
