Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
