What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
