Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
