when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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