they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize