I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
