Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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