Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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