It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
