I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
