Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
