I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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